Hurts...

I went through alot of hurts. Being hit here and there...
No matter where i go, all I had to hear the hurting words that people say about me. They sometimes talked bad behind my back. Who knows. I don't know but i did feel. All i had to do was to keep it to myself. People may forget what they say but i don't and i can't. Its all in my genes. I'm very sensitive to people who say bad about or even worst about me. I do feel hurt. I do have feelings. I guess they may not know that as they are heartless i can say, i don't know. Many people have told me that i am lazy, not doing housework, not cleaning up, not helping out my mother, not sweeping the floor, not drying my clothes and many others.. Yess., i'm indeed lazy pig. I always think that i am the prinecess in my house. But i dont expect people to serve me. I dont like that. I'm not super lazy.

I'm always using the computer. Not doing much of housework. I guess now you people will hate me. That's fine. Some people told me that they don't see any glow in my face. It's true. I asked my sister and she agreed with what other people told. I just don't know why i don't have the initiative to clean up my room or the house. Its all my laziness.... I wanted to pray, worship, read bible or even clean up but then something just made me to be lazy. Always end up myself in the computer surfing the net or downloading games or doing other things. Stupid me, i can say. Do u agree that im stupid, lazy bum and whatever you can call....

I guess i need to go for counselling. I need to cousult the counselor and ask the counselor to use the "Cognitive Behavior Therapy". This therapy could change my thinking and my behavior so that i could think better and behavior well so that i could achieve something in my life for better.
Cool huh? Alrite i'm going for it. If they can't treat me, tell them to admit me into IMH...
That's the end of my life i guess. Wahaha...I wish i could be there as a "paitient" instead being the one to give treatment.....

Better bring me there before i go mad... - im serious abt it....

Love....

I am simply feeling jealous when i do get to some couples who hold on to their hands, hugging.. i did feel upset.. i can say most of my friends do have boyfriend. There are some of my friends took pictures with their boyfriends and upload it to their profiles. Trying to show they are in - relationship. I do envy them. I do wish to have one. I have many online friends who are male. Their age range is about 21 to 28 years old. I do chat with them and do too. I do chat with them normally, like introducing myself, interest and many others. As days passed, they will tell me they have interest in me. They say they love me, like me, like my character this and that. Some i have not viewed their picture of themself. How am i to love or like that person by chatting with them online. I just dont want to do the same mistakes that i have done when i was in Sec 2.

By chatting online, i may not know their true color, character, behavior, what they are and many other factors. I need to know these and to analyse them whether they are suitable for or not. I can't simply say "I love you". That is stupid. Recently, there are 4 men have "proposed" their love to me. I had to reject it. For now, i need to complete my studies. But i just can't tolerate couples hugging, romancing, kissing, holding and walking closely togather. They are making me jealous. It really hurts me alot. By this you may conclude that i am yearning for the word called "LOVE". That's true. I am yearning for love.

Will i get what i want???? :'(

TOTALLY UPSET...

I am feeling upset for the past few days... I am not doing the right things...
I am going overboard. I was doing things that i should not be doing...
I am really stupid lah....I should not be saying and doing this...
I go and watch the videos...well it is quite censord lah...
well you know... but i was not addicted. i was just curious...
I feel very upset about those people who are doing things which should not be it
in front of the video...Showing to the public...
I feel disgusted... i am quite angry with myself and the people...
I really want to cry.... I am sinner....


Lord, I really sorry for what i have done. I did not listen to you and now i am regretting...Lord i just wonder how you are feeling right now. Your children are doing things that is very sacred and should not be doing it and showing it to the public. Why is it that they are doing it....?


Hey people, don't just leave me for what i have done...I feeling very remorseful. I am so sick by watching "those videos"...


I saw this comic...I felt very disgusted. I can't tell you which website and i advise you not to go. I don't know why these people are so "sick" in their mind.


I feel very guilty...really guilty....
I just feel like why am i living in this world. I am so sick and i just wish to be in heaven and stay in the comfort of Jesus Christ.

I can't tolerate for these "Things" and just imagine how Jesus Christ is tolerating with all these nonsense.

ARGHHHHHHH.........
I FEEL LIKE SAYING THAT THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE DOING THE "THINGS" THAT THEY THINK IT IS FUN. I BET THAT THEY ARE GOING TO DIE WITH DISEASES (AIDS OR WATEVER). AND I BET THEY SHOULD BE PUNISHED....

I am totally upset for many things.... I just wonder why all these "things" I feel like crying... I am keeping everything to myself... I am feeling useless..Will God ever forgive me for what i have done?

I really am stupid.....

NO MOOD TO SAY...

I WANT TO CRY AND WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN COMFORT ME

After too long....

Oh my goodness...its been a long time been log in to write my nxt entry... well nothing much to say and nothing much happened...

Well let's say...hmmm.

i miss my friends from my secondary school, ITE and some whom i am currently chatting with them online.... Time have changed alot. Some of my friends has went to poly, or to ITE and even went to work but does not have time to contact me or talked to me. I guess they got no time for me...im quite sad at times. But what to do...I only had to live in memories. Aiya....Very leh chey....

At times i just want to be alone instead of having friends. What to do? I just leave it. Don't want to think abt it...Alrite need to do my sch assignment. Better do it ASAP then later can start blogging...heheh

Tata

Will update more in MY WORLD....